Friday, October 31, 2014

Momma Status

Hi Little Momma,
        I hope this Friday find’s you well! Today I am going to reflect on what it means to me to have achieved Momma Status, and how this  journey to motherhood (that actually began 14 years ago) impacts even the tiniest of my Little Momma Moments.



(If this were a movie, the picture would now change to a less saturated version of its original state, and all the actors would be transformed into late 90’s/early millennium fashion. We would be picking up in the year 2000.) 
 
        You see, when I was 15 years old I found myself in several doctor’s offices eventually resulting in a brand-new diagnosis, Multiple Sclerosis. I was actually the youngest with this diagnoses my doctors had ever seen! (Don’t worry, we can chat more on that in another post.) So, when it came to treatment, my parents left it up to me to make the decision on whether or not I would take the relatively new preventative medication designed to slow down the progress of the illness. For a whole year I weighed the pros and cons of treatment. And when I was 16 I finally decided to begin a medication plan. My mind was made up when I started to consider my future children. I thought about how I would feel if my children wanted to run with their mother and I was wheel chair bound or, of the far worse possibility, that my children would have a mother who was blinded and could never know what they looked like. While I knew in the end of the day it would be the disease that would be to blame in these situations, I also knew how devastated and guilty I would feel knowing I had an option to try and stop the MS from getting that bad and didn’t take it. The moment this became real, was the moment my life became about my future children. I would from that point forward try to make all decisions, medical or not, by considering the impact my choices might have on their wellbeing. I began to live not only as a teenager, but as a future mom.

        Two years later I would meet a boy who would one day become my husband and father of my child. (Don’t worry; this too we can chat more about in another post.) We met at our church’s youth group and quickly became somewhat enamored with each other. (Okay, I may be blushing at this very moment.) We dated for over three years before we hit a slight bump in the road. You see, we had always thrived off of honesty, so I was very clear about having a desire to not only one day parent, but to do so as a stay-at-home-mom. He had known this all along, but as he faced college, and their desire for him to declare a major… a problem arose. You see my husband was then, and is now a musician. He was in serious contemplation about choosing music as his major. As we discussed the need to declare, we made a painful decision. We broke up. You see it was my dream to be a stay-at-home-mom, and it was his dream to pursue music. We both understood that these two lifestyles would have difficulty becoming compatible. So we split. It was devastating. I almost whished I’d hated him, to make it more manageable. But a break up based on logic instead of emotion was very challenging to process because I still loved him. But after several weeks of blasting Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You Were Gone” and crying in my bedroom, I received a phone call that would end my sorrow. Branden asked me to dinner! That evening, he brought a paper from his school showing he had declared the sciences as his major. He explained that as much as he wanted music to be a significant part of his life, he wanted to be a daddy. Furthermore he wanted to be a daddy to children who had me as their stay-at-home-mom! Though there were more than a couple buckets of tears, this was the best way for things to play out. It was clear that it would not have been healthy for our relationship if I had asked him to walk away from music, nor would it have been healthy for him to ask me to walk away from my dream. He made the decision on his own, saving our relationship from potentially a lifetime of bitterness.

        Another three years would pass, and we would become husband and wife. As a couple we decided when we would like to expand our family and we laid out a plan; a plan that would have as many ups and downs as the world’s longest roller coaster. (Again, don’t worry; we will certainly chat about that in another post.) But when we saw that beautiful little pink plus sign, our world forever changed! WE WERE PREGNANT!

(If this were a movie, the picture would now change to a fully saturated version like its original state, and all the actors would be transformed into modern day fashion. We would be picking back up in the year 2014) 

        This brings me to the highlight of this post and the name sake of this blog! I had made it! I now had Momma Status! I was gifted the incredible opportunity to have the little momma moments I had dreamed of! After 14 years of dreaming about them, my dreams were coming true! God had brought Little B into this world through my own body, a fact that still leaves me in awe! I am called momma, and my heart overflows with delight!

        Some of these little momma moments I anticipated to take my breath away, like kissing her for the very first time! While others were much more surprising, like my sense of joy I feel at the presence of the typically despised stretch marks. Yeah, I definitely NEVER expected that one! But it is true. I think they serve as a permanent reminder of the incredible privilege I was given to participate in God’s beautiful creation of life.

        I love these moments, and I love intentionally looking for them in my day to day life. It has become a bit like the recent social media trend of “100 happy days,” where social media users intentionally identified one thing in each day that brought them happiness. So please indulge me as I share just a few of the little momma moments I’ve treasured in this life as Little B’s, Little Momma.

·         The first time she wrapped her tiny little hand around my finger. – And to make the moment even more incredible she grabbed her daddy’s finger with her other hand!
 

·         Baby’s first bath, followed by baby’s first massage!- Bonding and relaxation.
 

·         Staring at the dimples on her cheeks and hands, and tiny little toes!

·         Calling the pediatrician to make the first appointment for my daughter. -  Talk about taking your breath away. I seriously now have a daughter, a DAUGHTER!

·         My baby girl falling asleep on my chest in the froggie position. – There is nothing sweeter.
 

·         That face she makes as she is waking up. - It makes me smile every time!
 
 
 ·        The moment she nurses without a tear. - Breastfeeding is certainly a learning process, but when she and I both got the routine down, that was a magical moment indeed.

·         The first photo shoot as a family of 3! - As a photographer it was an epic moment to be having newborn pictures taken of MY little warrior.
video
 

·         Her first audible giggle! - Daddy has a way of making this girl laugh! Silly Daddy!

·         First time in the spa. - A California baby must! (Don’t worry the water temp was baby appropriate J)
 

·         First time at the park.- One of many trips this little lady will have.

 

·         An invitation to, and the attendance of a local Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group. – I mean WOW, just WOW. The exclusivity of membership to these groups was now attainable, because I had Momma Status!

·         Then there is Baby wearing. - This one surprisingly brought me to tears. The gravity of the intimate bonding between mommy and daughter while taking a walk with my little girl in the baby carrier simply overtook me!
 
 
 
 
·         Watching the two most important people in my life bond! - Is there anything more endearing than your husband holding his baby girl! *Swoon* And then him serenading her as she falls asleep. *I die*
 
 
        Clearly this list can go on and on and on, but I think I have made my point. There is joy in even the smallest of moments if you open yourself up for them. I encourage all of you to smile at each of your little momma moments, and maybe even share a few in the comments!

Love,
Little Momma, April Faith

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